Growing up in a broken family isn’t that easy. Nevertheless, I am more than thankful to my mum, grandparents and aunties who took care of me. Growing in a family where you barely have the attention of your parent, not knowing what really happened between your parents haunted me for awhile until I was old enough and was told only from one side of the story. Back then, I grew with limited resources, i don’t get awesome things like other kids do, just necessary ones. I am grateful though, for my grandparents were the one being the parents to me. That taught me a lot of the traditional values that i learned from both of my late grandparents. One of the many advise that I still remember and it still repeats in my head “Jujur, Amanah, Sabar” which if you translates to English – “Be honest, Be trustworthy, Be patient”. And trust me, those 3 values will take you a life time to even master it especially in our modern, fast paced life where everyone is pacing to take over another and to move up to the top.
I was different …
I grew up all these years only to have met my father twice in my lifetime, I’m born in the year 1986. It was too long ago since i last met him that i only remember bits and pieces of how he looked like and forgotten what he exactly said or talked about. Mum was busy working all the time being the sole bread winner. Grandparents was always there but it would always be the bitter sweet memories as time changes and they could no longer understand or keep up with.
So i ended up being alone on the special days when you see everyone else have their family members to witness and support them. Things like school sport days, even though i had always get to stand on the podium winning trophies yearly has became rather meaningless. Things like getting enlisted in military service, awards for being best soldier, getting yourself a “Guards Tab” and completing it – all of it became meaningless. You ended up becoming so numb in some ways that you tend not to be able to feel pity or sad – rather emotionless and practically view things in a practical way. That is also why i seldom go to wedding ceremonies or celebrate birthdays but had always make myself present for funerals to give my last respects. I see life as part of a journey (because everyone dies) and death as gift (for reaching your destination) from God (whatever your beliefs are). Some called me a very sad or depressed person yet i don’t think they quite understand on how i view things and i am pretty sure that i am feeling fine – so i choose to let it be. Don’t get me wrong, i am trying to live life with the 3 values that my grandparents taught me, i treasure good friendships, i treasure good partnerships, i learned to forgive and forget, i always try to see the good things in people and the beliefs of one humanity.
Through all the complexities in life, I was taught to be tough, persevere, keep striving forward. I have failed and i will keep trying. I will not live to regret but learn the mistakes i have done. With all that much to carry on, weirdly and for some reason, sometimes in my prayers, i did asked “God, please shed me some lights of how my father looks like someday”.
My prayers is finally answered …
So today i noticed someone i did not recognize (as she did not have a display picture and her name was not familiar to me) added me on Facebook. I did not think much as i do get random adds on Facebook from time to time and only added her add just now (about 30 mins ago). It just happen so that i was browsing her profile (because Facebook profiles without a display pictures usually belongs to stalkers or hackers) and to my surprise it was actually my aunty, sister to my father. To even a pleasant surprise, i saw my father’s Facebook profile and his recent pictures.
My little prayer is now answered. I get to see his picture, i get to see how he looks like now after more than a decade. I did not felt anything much but it was a good sense of satisfaction, grateful and thank god for answering my prayers. I should personally thank Mark Zuckerberg too 🙂 for creating Facebook and made all these little possibilities being much more possible today. Just wish my father the best of life with his new family.
It’s all good day in the end. Amin.